Are you happy?

Crush, Mix, Burn, Repeat.
"Family photos depict smiling faces… births, weddings, holidays, children’s birthday parties. People take pictures of the happy moments in their lives. Someone looking through our photo album would conclude that we had led a joyous, leisurely existence free of tragedy. No one ever takes a photograph of something they want to forget." -Sy Parrish
One Hour Photo- Mark Romanek

"Family photos depict smiling faces… births, weddings, holidays, children’s birthday parties. People take pictures of the happy moments in their lives. Someone looking through our photo album would conclude that we had led a joyous, leisurely existence free of tragedy. No one ever takes a photograph of something they want to forget."
-Sy Parrish

One Hour Photo- Mark Romanek

Hooverphonic

—2Wicky

2Wicky- Hooverphonic

Tearjerker

The wolves are all around me.
I see them in the place of strangers that pass me in the street, I see them in the shadows of my darkened room at night, and I see them deep inside my own mind, behind my tightly shut eyelids.

Pills can only quell the headaches but the satanic apparitions have multiplied and now they haunt me like my old friends. They skulk around each and every corner, they wait for me in the mirrors of my parents house, and they hang from the ceiling above my bed, dripping black filth from their twisted jaws and gazing into my very being with those hollow soulless eyes. 

I want you to take a knife to my gut, rip open the flesh and dig through my entrails and up into my rib cage. Take a firm grip on my heart and tear it out entirely. Feast on it before my very eyes. I want to see you rip out all of the evil in me and devour it. Let the oozing crimson liquid spill from your lips and run over your pure, naked skin. 
Hold me close to you as I breathe my first and final calm breaths in what seems to be an eternity.
Kiss me and tell me that all will be silent from now until the end of time.
Please won’t you squeeze my broken, bloodied body close to you until I am icy cold and you can be certain that I will not feel that bitterly inevitable moment when you must finally let me go.

Clint Mansell

—Creep (feat. Eliot Sumner)

When you were here before
Couldn’t look you in the eye
You’re just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You’re so fucking special

But I’m a creep
I’m a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here

I don’t care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice when I’m not around
You’re so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I’m a creep
I’m a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here

She’s running out the door
She’s running out
She runs, runs, runs, runs…
Runs…

But I’m a creep
I’m a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here
I don’t belong here

Creep- Clint Mansell and Eliot Sumner

Butterfly Caught

It’s strange, isn’t it?
I found a butterfly at work today. It caught my eye, sitting on a pipe, fluttering its wings. I’ve never seen anything like it before. The body is pure black and the tips of the wings match perfectly but the red that fills the spaces between is such an incredible shade that it made me think of you immediately.
I caught it and prepared to bring it home with me, keen to show it to you.
But before I have even left work, you have already decided that you can’t be with me anymore. My love comes with far too many hopes and expectations. I hold you too tightly. I damage your freedom with my feelings and make you feel trapped. You want me to let you go so you may be free from me. Free to flutter from place to place, alone.


Fine, go…
But I am pulling the wings off this butterfly and naming it Joy.

"Cause even heroes get the blues,
Or any misery you choose
You like to watch, we like to use
And we were born to lose”

Downfall

You’re right, I’m not the man you fell in love with.
He was strong and unyielding. I have sacrificed my soul. I work only for the money, not for my love of it. The money feels undeserved and tainted.
I don’t need this job anymore. I don’t want it.

I didn’t have a choice, did I?
“It’s easy, there’s a trick to it: You do it or you die.”
We needed the money. We needed a place to call our own. We needed a haven within this hellish life.

I felt stranded, out here all alone. Away from the very thing I was working to build and maintain.
The darkness creeps into me so easily. I don’t think it’s ever truely been banished. It hides in the blackest corners, clinging to my insecurities and feeding on my fears.

Love Like Semtex

How many times can you stand to be told that you are the reason they want to end their life?

I have ruined so many lives. 
My love is a curse that forces people to either turn and run or end their lives.
How can I possibly make anyone happy?
My heart is a black hole.

I want to hang until the blackness inside shrivels and collapses in on itself.  

Void

I feel trapped inside my own head. 
I wish intimacy wasn’t so hard to achieve.

Please come back home. 

James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover (Glastonbury 2008)

This version of this song never fails to make me cry.