February 2012
9 posts
24 tags
I burn into your memory cells, 'cos I'm alive
I feel so damn tired. Is it this place or simply the fact that today is the anniversary of my birth? I don’t know. I just feel as if I have been here before, so many times. One week remains, until I am free. I am breaking out of these chains and making my escape. The world that currently seems so far away from me, looking out of these tired eyes shall soon be at my fingertips.
I will make...
15 tags
I set my body on fire so I could be free.
It seems to be every other week that I rush to the worlds end in the hopes that I will find enough courage to throw myself off, into oblivion. I am sick of it. Recently, I fell in love with a young woman. She was incredible. She would smile so brightly and whisper that she loved me. Her dark, beautiful eyes with little pools of light shimmered as she came in close for a delicate kiss. She made...
8 tags
Peter Gabriel- The book of love
15 tags
16 tags
16 tags
Goo Goo Dolls- Iris
14 tags
I do not wish to fall asleep. I am afraid of what demons might find me, in the twisted depths of my mind.
12 tags
My lips are dry.
I cannot seem to find many words to say these days. Each time I have attempted to write anything, either my words have fallen short or my thread has been lost. Perhaps now it is enough just to say that I am happy.
12 tags
“Tell me where’s your hiding place...
January 2012
11 posts
29 tags
“I’m not afraid of death. I’m afraid I haven’t been alive enough.” Nemo Nobody, Mr. Nobody
19 tags
Let the wolves have me, my love.
Oh, tonight is the night. The stars are looking wonderful. That little slice of moon in shining so brightly, it will be difficult not to find my ruined corpse laying cold in the undergrowth.
The remnants of forgotten pack of cigarettes have been stuffed into my pocket and the backup bottle of Poland’s finest lays empty on my bed. My mouth is watering in anticipation of the night ahead. A...
13 tags
15 days
As days turn to weeks, I always fear the worst.
I do hope that you are safe and that my most terrifying thoughts have not been realised.
8 tags
14 tags
My Angel's Feathers Are Falling.
Her halo still gleams and her glow is still warm and radiant but today as I gazed up at her, she fluttered her wings and shed a light flurry of Alar feathers down upon me.
23 tags
I always kill the things I love.
For the past few weeks I have been happy. I mean, really happy for the first time in a long time. I have been working hard toward my goals and having very little trouble aside from the odd mishap or minor worry. But today, my mind has sunk back into the gutter that it loves to call home. Why must I always ruin anything that makes me happy? I am like a child building sandcastles, just to knock...
17 tags
I can't make you happy.
I can only offer you my best.
Perhaps that isn’t good enough…
13 tags
Fade to grey.
This silence at night is so frightening, it reminds me how I have now lost more friends through the years than I have remaining.
I feel so alone tonight. My grasp on you is slipping, day by day.
19 tags
20 tags
Love is. . .
“Love is reverence, and worship, and glory, and the upward glance. Not a bandage for dirty sores. But they don’t know it. Those who speak of love most promiscuously are the ones who’ve never felt it. They make some sort of feeble stew out of sympathy, compassion, contempt and general indifference, and they call it love. Once you’ve felt what it means to love-the total...
20 tags
My heart had only just started to work again. A few short days after I discovered this, I can feel it being torn from my chest and see it beating before my very eyes. It is no ones fault but my own. I sink into this feeling of self loathing so easily. A bottle of clear liquor will drown my sorrows and numb my brain. Happy fucking new year.
December 2011
17 posts
18 tags
May it be our finest year.
As New Year sweeps across the globe, I am left thinking of a great many things.
This has been the year that I vowed to better myself, with varying levels of success. I think that the overall outcome has been positive, although I have come so very close to losing everything, on more than one occasion.
Earlier this year I met a brilliant young man; he taught me things about myself that I...
13 tags
I don't know about heaven.
But I do believe in angels.
17 tags
Run. Away.
I fear that I am sinking my hooks too deep into your delicate flesh.
You and the phantom that haunts you have unfinished business.
Surely, this cannot end well.
24 tags
I don't believe in heaven.
I believe in pain, I believe in fear and I believe in death. There’s an army of bodies under this river; People who ran out of time, out of friends. I could feel the dead down there, reaching up to welcome me as one of their own.
It was an easy mistake to make.
13 tags
15 tags
29 tags
24/12/2011
The last few days I have been rather happy. I have busied myself with friendship and family; Today, I am absolutely sick of it. I think of you and how this time of year must feel. I think of all the pain that you suffer through and sorrow that dwells within your heart. I think of how I made it worse. How can I be content, knowing what I have done to you and knowing how you must be feeling? I...
30 tags
22 tags
21 tags
16 tags
Tomorrow morning I am leaving this god forsaken place. While I have enjoyed the bare, solid walls around me and lack of temptation, I don’t not wish to spend another day in the company of the pathetic, worthless scum that I am forced to interact with. Also I there is a limit to how far I can fool my family and this is something I would rather not have them involved in. I have been advised...
25 tags
30 tags
Man
As you may have noticed, I am still very much alive.
Ryan never did show, neither has he done so since. That’s what you get when you rely upon a deceased friend though, I guess. I sat upon the handrail, drinking and smoking until the bottle ran dry and the last embers of my final cigarette faded into the darkness. I have never felt so alone in all my 21 years. Tears fell from my cheeks and...
14 tags
26 tags
“You just have to see her and you know that...
10 tags
“Just forget me, it’s that...
30 tags
"I’ve always hoped I would choose my death."
Its been four days since I last saw Ryan. Am I happy? Fuck that. I am alone, lost, tired and angry. I have been working relentlessly these last few weeks in an attempt to “cure” myself. But what is the point? I certainly feel no better for it. If anything, my mental state has deteriorated further. I am alone inside my own head and all I want to do is break out of it. I stood alone in...
November 2011
31 posts
28 tags
Flames and tranquillity
I tire of this place. I have been here far too long. My current contract is due to come to a close some time in the new year. That date, whenever it may be, cannot come soon enough. I am sick of the same thing, day in, day out. There is no peace for me to find upon these streets and it is not for lack of trying. Today I drove out to the lake I once regarded as my own personal heaven. It has only...
17 tags
“There is a passion for hunting something deeply implanted in the human breast.” -Charles Dickens
20 tags
Placebo -Pierrot The Clown When I dream I dream of...
20 tags
12 tags
I was away for a while But I’m hoping...
16 tags
24 tags
19 tags
18 tags
Red At Night The Gaslight Anthem
10 tags
20 tags
“This may sound like gibberish to you, but I think I’m in a tragedy.”
8 tags
30 tags
See you in my nightmares.
It begins. Everything is black. Then it hits me like a lightning bolt. The darkness is banished in an instant and I am blinded by the purest white. My head is spinning and my blurry eyes struggle to adjust to the sudden contrast they have thrust upon them. I feel cold. Numbness grips my fingertips. Each gasp for air I take is icy cold but bitterly cleansing. My heartbeat slows, my mind becomes...