Are you happy, Mr. Superman?

Crush, Mix, Burn, Repeat.

The sound of silence

I am alone in this house again, only one more week of this solitude remains. I should be thankful I have that long, but these past few days I have felt oddly alone. Under normal circumstances I would be comfortable and at ease in situations such as this but I feel as if the silence is mocking me. At times it is so intensely quiet that I am forced to scrape my fingernails across my desk just to be sure I am not deaf to the world around me, other times I am driven to the edge of my sanity by barely audible sounds- the repetitive ticking of a pocket watch contained in a box on the far side of my room, the persistent buzzing of a light fitting, the ceaseless whirring of the refrigerator downstairs. Only one symphony of sound silences the rest and for me it is the most painful I endure- the taunting little clinks as ice falls into the bottom of my glass, the haunting gurgling as alcohol pulses from the neck of a bottle, the splash as it breaks upon ice and the shattering little clicks as the contrasting temperatures collide.
Tonight I have the last laugh; my head is spinning but not a single drop of liquid remains in the bottles upon my windowsill.

My eyelids are heavy and my gaze is anything but clear, one moment with you would be enough to pull me through but I dare not ask for your time again, not so soon. I know I am strong enough to stop this ridiculous game I play but I fear I am far too sentimental; all those nights I spent downing in poison to feel love were wasted until I found my- self. Hell I even took up smoking just to feel you. The thing is I know I don’t need these things, when asked in public if I drink; I would reply that I do not and when standing with an elderly work colleague as he smokes I would not think of doing so myself.
I am happy. I don’t consider my drinking to be a “vice”; I don’t think it is even a habit. I think of it as a means of discovering myself and reminiscing over the past perhaps even of focusing on the positive things.

I just read that last paragraph back and have come to the conclusion that I am far too drunk now to be posting anything of merit. I am going to sit back and wait for the room to stop spiralling around me.

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